So Many What-Ifs

Fiction (in whichever form it happens to present itself)

  • In the Moment

    Below you’ll find my (unedited) entry for Round 1 of the NYC Midnight Rhyming Story Challenge 2025.

    My prompt was:

    Genre: Romance
    Theme: The benefit of the doubt
    Emotion: Exhilarated

    Synopsis:

    A guy about to graduate college is questioning his decision to admire his crush from afar, instead of making a move.

    I’ve had this crush for so damn long,
    my friends grew bored of poking fun.
    “Just ask him out, man, while we’re young,”
    They sigh, while I just freeze or run.

    I’d rather watch him from afar;
    he’d never want me anyway.
    He plays guitar at Tommy’s bar,
    though entry’s free, I’d gladly pay.

    I’m boring, average, and shy,
    but Dylan’s funny, smart, and…nice.
    And while I dream, the years fly by.
    My friends all date; I fantasise.

    As graduation’s drawing near,
    I’m feeling stressed and losing sleep.
    I don’t know what has caused this fear;
    it’s too intense and runs too deep.

    When walking from our final class,
    he brushes past, the penny drops.
    To face my fear I cannot pass
    this chance to ask him, so I stop.

    It’s now or never… “Dylan? Hi.”
    He turns his head expectantly.
    “Would you…” I swallow, throat gone dry,
    “Would you go on a date with me?”

    He stares at me for quite some time.
    His eyes search mine, I watch him frown.
    The silence stretches…I resign
    to feel my world come crashing down.

    I try to speak, to take it back,
    but then he answers, “Yeah, alright.”
    To process that, I need a sec.
    I suddenly feel very light.

    We settle on a coffee date,
    I must be grinning like a fool.
    He smiles, but seems to hesitate;
    I have to try to play it cool.

    The day before our date I spend
    obsessing, fretting, freaking out.
    I know that I should tell my friends,
    but what if Dylan’s doubts win out?

    I’m early, but, to my surprise
    I’m not the first one to arrive.
    We order drinks, I meet his eyes.
    A spark takes hold, I feel alive.

    Our conversation stops and starts,
    I talk too much, or not enough.
    He’s guarded, while I try too hard.
    Reality is pretty rough.

    Well, this is it, at least I know
    that we were never meant to be.
    He signals that it’s time to go
    and who am I to disagree?

    We walk in silence, when he says:
    “The park is nice this time of year…”
    All I can manage is a “Yes?”
    He looks at me, his smile sincere.

    He talks about this job he found;
    it’s out of town, he’ll have to leave.
    We take a seat on sun-warmed ground.
    He sighs, lies down, tugs on my sleeve.

    We stare and watch the clouds float past.
    He moves his hand, it’s touching mine.
    I want to make this moment last
    and let our fingers intertwine.

    The sun, the grass, the breeze, his skin…
    I try to memorise it all.
    This moment’s real; I crack a grin.
    A victory, however small.

    I’m sure my friends will give me hell
    for waiting till the very end.
    But even if this is farewell,
    it beats the times I played pretend.

    I placed 4th in my group, which means I made it to Round 2 this year.

    Click here to read the feedback I received from the judges.

    WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY – 

    • {2144}  I really like this story. I think you do a good job of accurately portraying the awkwardness of most first dates and the game that we constantly play in trying to understand the other person’s intentions while adjusting our own expectations. I also think the final 2 stanzas do a really good job of tying the story together as a whole and showing the significance of this date in greater context to the narrator’s character arc, even if it is imperfect in itself.   
    • {2253}  This is such a sweet story! You do such a great job of showing this protagonist’s nerves by outlining that he thinks he’s “boring, average, and shy” in comparison to Dylan, but also why he chooses to overcome it by thinking “it’s now or never…” Great job really showing the character’s motivations to ensure the reader can really connect with them. Well done! Lastly, I really enjoyed the final stanza and the moral around taking a chance when you have it—even if it ends up being short-lived. This is such a great conclusion to the story to keep readers thinking about it. Great job crafting a very engaging and captivating story!  
    • {1943}  Oh my goodness, this was such an endearing, sweet story. Your premise was simple but delightful. I think that any reader would identify with the protagonist’s fears about the date. I smiled at lines such as “I talk too much, or not enough” and “I must be grinning like a fool.” The characterization of this shy man was excellent – we really felt his fear and self-doubt. The depiction of the date was lovely. My heart melted as Dylan relaxed. I loved moments such as “He looks at me, his smile sincere” and “He moves his hand, it’s touching mine.” You left the reader wanting to see more, but equally, I loved the way that you left us feeling that even if this was the end of the romance, the protagonist had learned and grown from being brave. 🙂   

    WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK – 

    • {2144}  I love the story overall and think it’s pretty tightly written, so I don’t have any big notes. My only question is that I couldn’t help wondering why Dylan seems a little reserved throughout most of the date until they get to the park. I wonder if there is a way to hint a little more why that might be the case. Is it because he’s leaving? Does it just take a little bit for him to warm up? i just wanted a little more insight into his character and where this ambivalence comes from.  
    • {2253}  This story would benefit from a bit more exploration around this protagonist’s previous relationship with Dylan. It’s evident that they have had a crush for “so damn long” but what is the current nature of their relationship by the start of the story? For example, had they been friends, but the protagonist wanted to be more than that? Had they never spoken to each other, but just sat next to each other in class, or did Dylan not even know he existed. Showing the nature of their relationship in more specific detail would really help the reader better understand the stakes of what the protagonist has to lose as well as what they are overcoming to ask Dylan out on a date. 
    • {1943}  I thought that your writing was excellent, and I struggled to find much to suggest you might work on. A few points to consider might be: I found the line “I’d gladly pay” a little odd. As I reread, I understood your intention, but it felt awkward, and as if maybe you worded it like this to create the rhyme with ‘anyway/pay’. I would maybe simplify the sentence so we don’t have to think too hard about the implied meaning, especially as this comes right at the start of the story. The line “I suddenly feel very light” seemed rather understated or basic to me. I felt that the focus was on creating a rhyme, and I found myself pausing to consider how it might feel to suddenly feel “light”. Could you create a more sensory description of how he reacted, so that it feels more personal and authentic? I wondered if it would be more meaningful if you devoted the entire final verse to the romance, rather than reverting to the issue of the friends. This removed us from the emotion of the moment.

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  • Rate & Review

    Rate & Review!
You know what* to do 🙂
* It’s all in our terms and conditions.
    She closed the message, rolled her eyes.
    In just a week, she’d counted five
    requests like these, but no advice
    on when her package would arrive.

    According to their tracking page
    she’d owned her phone for thirteen days,
    and Marni’d struggled to engage
    their help desk to explain her case.
    Hi! Got a sec?
No need to hold back!
Please check our exclusive permissions.
    With countless emails she’d been spammed.
    Their urgent tone spelled bad intent.
    It seemed to Marni she’d been scammed;
    can’t rate a thing you weren’t sent.

    Then, one month late, outside her home,
    a battered box showed up, lay prone.
    Inside she found protective foam,
    but then, just when she touched her phone…

    “Hi!” Came a knock.
    “We’re here for our stock.
    You’ve failed to respect our provisions.”

    Two men in black she’d never met
    demanded entrance to her flat, 
    referred to terms she’d never read:
    a legal contract, ironclad.

    Enraged, but scared to make things worse
    she watched them enter, undeterred.
    They took the phone so briefly hers,
    left her to parse their parting words:
    “Wish to object?
    						Inform or react? 
    Please file an official petition.”
    “Miss, do expect
    a form, to collect
    your thoughts, help us boost our position!”

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  • Happy Mother’s Day

    Our gift this year to Mother Earth 
    More governments beguiled by greed
    Too late we’ll comprehend her worth

    Again more climate debt incurred
    Each broken record beat, repeat 
    Our gift this year to Mother Earth 

    We all should be on red alert 
    Instead, her sources we deplete
    Too late we’ll comprehend her worth

    Our gaze, not crises, we avert 
    Deep pockets buy our swift defeat
    Our gift this year to Mother Earth 

    Our home burned up for short-term mirth
    A race to space, elitist treat
    Too late we’ll comprehend her worth

    Her plight denied, each cure deferred
    We make the choice to overheat
    Our gift this year to Mother Earth 
    Too late we’ll comprehend her worth
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  • No Adventures

    The road she walked felt smooth and... wrong.
    No thrilling adventures nearing.
    She sought and yearned for twists and turns,
    yet wandered a hundred clearings.

    On bright and sunny days she searched
    for dark and dangerous business.
    But all was fine, no signs of crime,
    nor villainy did she witness.

    She met no princes, found no foes, 
    no dragons delayed her travels.
    She longed for quests and fiends to best;
    missed mysteries to unravel.

    She’d venture off the beaten path,
    convinced that trials awaited.
    But each new trek just brought her back
    to the safe lanes which she hated.

    Before she'd ever found a quest
    — a chance to prove she could do this —  
    the road she’d roamed had lead her home,
    where crowds would shout she’d been foolish.

    She steeled her nerves, her head held high;
    she couldn’t appear defeated.
    To her surprise, she first heard cries,
    then cheers with which she was greeted.

    A hero's welcome, feast and all:
    a palatial celebration.
    They praised her grit, and brilliant wit,
    as her nerves spurred fraught sensations.

    They’d got it wrong, this wasn’t her!
    Her journey had not been daring.
    “You have prevailed! Please tell your tales!”
    But she found no words worth sharing.

    “I saw you save a wounded sprite!”
    Said a man who’d come to greet her.
    She knew he meant an incident,
    with a small, frail, fallen creature.

    Was that of note? She could not tell,
    and before she’d found her bearings,
    a girl chimed in with other things
    she had not thought worth declaring.

    Her eyes grew wide, as through the night,
    from their lips she heard her stories.
    And so she learned, that she’d returned
    a hero, now known for glories.
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  • Papaya

    Below you’ll find my (unedited) entry for Round 1 of the NYC Midnight Rhyming Story Challenge 2024.

    My assignment was:

    Genre: Romance
    Theme: Put out to pasture
    Emotion: Happy

    “We always knew the time would come
    to say goodbye to dear old Tom!
    For forty years this was your life,
    alas, you couldn’t find a wife!
    Tonight we’re gonna send you home
    to live your final days alone!”

    Teeth clenched, eyes dark, Tom forced a smile,
    nodded along to the laughs and the song.
    He knew they’d rehearsed this skit for a while,
    though it was well-known this was not quite his style.

    “Let’s raise our glasses in the air,
    to toast the guy with graying hair!
    He’s not much fun, and plain to boot,
    and never looked good in a suit!
    But still, we’ll miss him all the same,
    to Tom, our man of lame acclaim!”

    Cheers all around, they thumped Tom’s back.
    “Kidding!” they winked, as they poured him a drink.
    He knew that was true, but still, this old gag,
    hit so close to home, it felt like an attack.

    Folks laughed, and danced, and wished him well.
    Stories were told, as they joked he looked old.
    He hoped they would not be able to tell,
    that he felt a sadness too vast to dispel.

    Lights out, doors closed, he felt a weight
    settle inside, his world narrowed, lost light.
    He sighed, wiped his eyes, dejection could wait.
    His cat would be restless, annoyed, or irate.

    Once home, he called “Papaya, food!”
    Waited for her to meow, hiss, or purr.
    He frowned, had she really skulked off to brood?
    Her unlikely absence sure worsened his mood.

    Nerves frayed, he headed out the door.
    Panic grew near, an irrational fear.
    He fought his dark thoughts, and tried to ignore
    The tendrils of tension coiled tight at his core.

    Eyes wet, he paced the quiet street.
    Scanning the road, with his heart in his throat.
    He whistled, intoned her name on repeat.
    Just when he’d lost hope, he heard steps on concrete.

    A woman called out, “Tom, is that you?”
    Followed, Tom thought, by a meow soft and fraught.
    He turned to the sound, relieved to see Sue,
    his favorite neighbor; his cat liked her too.

    She purred in Sue’s arms. “How did you break free?”
    Laughing, Sue said, “She’s as smart as they get!”
    He smiled at them both, “On that we agree.”
    She looked in his eyes, “Can I get you some tea?”

    He stammered, “I… wouldn’t want to impose…”
    “Please, do come in!” she implored with a grin.
    He blushed, acquiesced, looked down at his toes,
    the spark in her eyes had melted his woes.

    He followed her in, house cozy and warm,
    and felt at ease, a profound sense of peace.
    His cat had jumped down, and Sue touched his arm.
    She winked, and he felt entranced by her charm.

    She made them some tea, and offered him cake,
    which tasted great, and she talked while he ate.
    “You look like you might be needing a break,
    you’re working nonstop! That’s too much to take.”

    Sue smiled, “When we talk, it’s such a delight.”
    Tom swallowed his bite, eyes suddenly bright,
    said, “Well, I’m retired, starting tonight.”
    “How lovely!” She hugged him, touch feather-light.

    She poured him more tea, “You have any plans?”
    “To travel, or… dance?” She shot him a glance.
    He let out a sigh, too drained to pretend,
    “I dread an excess of time on my hands.”

    “I shouldn’t complain. It’s just… I don’t know…
    I’d hoped that by now, I’d know where to go.”
    “You’ll figure it out, someway or somehow.”
    “You think so?” he asked, and furrowed his brow.

    “The store where I work has got a cafe…”
    she smiled, “Just drop by, or stay there all day…”
    “Would there be a way…” Tom coughed, his mouth dry,
    “For us, I just mean, to date, you and I?”

    He groaned, closed his eyes, “I’m sorry, I’ll leave.”
    He got up to go, but Sue grabbed his sleeve.
    “The answer is yes; you’re kind and sincere.
    Tomorrow, perhaps? Just pick me up here.”

    “Okay,” Tom agreed, elated but dazed.
    Sue beamed as she placed her hand on his waist.
    A sleepy Papaya yawned at their feet.
    Tom smiled, “For this night, I owe her a treat.”

    I received an honorable mention but didn’t advance to Round 2 (presumably because of the experimental rhyme scheme/meter I used. Which was intentional, but probably a little too ambitious, especially considering the tight deadline).

    If you’re interested in reading the feedback I received, click here.

    WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY –

    • {2022}  The scene between Tom and Sue focuses on body language and subtle physical cues, which really feels true to life. A lot of times when there is an attraction, but not a relationship yet, we communicate more with actions than with words.
    • {2377}  I thought this was a very sweet story, which made me smile at the end, because I found it so lovely. I thought you did a great job by juxta positioning Tom’s job he’s leaving with the start of his new life. Although his former co-workers don’t seem to mean harm, what they say clearly gets under his skin and is rather quite insensitive and thoughtless. This comes through in your story really well, and your reader can sense Tom’s despair and his feelings of dread and helplessness. Sue’s appearance with his beloved cat Papaya is a wonderful way to introduce the next stage of his life, and a hopefully happy and content retirement for Tom. Regarding the rhyme, I thought you challenged yourself with a rather difficult pattern, but stuck to it and mastered it incredibly well. Well done!
    • {2375}  I like how you set up a strong negative mood through the “kidding” ridicule at Tom’s goodbye party, that is then enhanced through the tension of Papaya disappearing. The reader shares Tom’s despair since the cat is all he has. With this sad setup, the positive ending with Sue is satisfying and hopeful.

    WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK –

    • {2022}  There are two main threads here as far as Tom’s character arc: his job, and romance. Of course, these ideas are interconnected, but I feel as though you could dig deeper into that connection moving forward. In verse 1 “For forty years this was your life, alas, you couldn’t find a wife” felt a little on the nose, whereas Tom’s admission near the end (“I’d hoped that by now, I’d know where to go.”) rings more true.
    • {2377}  A very small note on an otherwise great rhyming pattern which you followed consistently: Once home, he called “Papaya, food!” Waited for her to meow, hiss, or purr. He frowned, had she really skulked off to brood? Her unlikely absence sure worsened his mood. The second line is pushing the rhyming a little, with meow and purr not quite matching as lovely as in all your other stanzas. I’m being super-picky, I am aware of that, but wanted to point it out so you may be able to amend it for the future. The rest is absolutely great! 
    • {2375}  Some of the rhyming didn’t quite flow as well as it could. I suggest reading out loud to hear the rhythm and pacing of your stanzas, and identify any that sound awkward. In some ways, this sounds like two related stories rather than one narrative. I suggest including some hint to Sue earlier in the story so that when the reader ‘meets’ her there is already a feeling of familiarity and possibility about their relationship.
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So Many What-Ifs