Below you’ll find my entry for Round 2 of the
NYC Midnight Rhyming Story Challenge 2025
(only edited to remove some typos that snuck in)
My prompt was:
Genre: Historical Fiction
Theme: Self-respect
Emotion: Trusting
Synopsis:
Pirates Anne Bonny and Mary Read inspired young Alice to take what she needs.
Dear Alice was a quiet child, obedient and sweet.
She smiled all day, and watched her brothers play and roam the streets.
And when they learned to read, she had to sew and cook with mom.
Yet Alice still believed her time would come.
She wished she had the freedom that her brothers so enjoyed.
Her lowered gaze these days of any kind of joy devoid.
With hope grown dim and smile worn thin, she did as she was told,
and cursed herself for never being bold.
Then word arrived that pirate life had come to Spanish Town,
so Alice joined the crowds and watched her world turn upside-down.
For two accused of piracy were small but for their chests,
and Alice scarce believed they way they dressed.
No skirt or gown, but trousers long, and jackets meant for men!
Around her people whispered, awed: “It’s Mary Read and Anne!”
“I heard they carried pistols too…” A man said with disdain,
as Alice dreamed of lives much less mundane.
That night she cooked and cleaned but all the while she wondered why
she’d never realised this was a life she could defy.
And so she stole her brother’s coat, and sewed some trousers too.
She tried them on, and finally felt true.
She was a different person, not the weak one she’d abhorred,
unlocking possibilities taboo and unexplored.
So when her parents introduced a man to marry her,
she found she had the courage to demur.
She grabbed a bag and filled it with her trousers, coins, and coat,
ignored her parents’ cries and ran away, heart in her throat.
She walked up roads she’d never been, until she found an inn,
and entered, trusting life could now begin.
A guy who winked with bloodshot eyes, got up and downed his drink.
He called for her, his words were slurred, she felt her spirit sink.
As he came close, she rallied, saw the knife hang from his belt,
and suddenly, her new-found mettle swelled.
She grinned and said: “Let’s have a drink!” He readily agreed.
And before long was too far gone to know his knife she’d freed.
A surge of joy spread through her veins, a spark of something wild,
as Alice found her worth, and truly smiled.
Across the room a man had taken note of what she’d done.
He sauntered up, brown eyes amused “Let’s have a talk, come on.”
The drunkard barely conscious, Alice stood, and grabbed her bag,
and from a gap spilled out a trouser leg.
He chuckled, said his name was Sam, his crew was one man short.
They needed someone small and fast; tomorrow they’d leave port.
He eyed her bag, said: “Women spell bad luck, my men do tell…”
She took the hint, and grinned: “Why don’t you call me Al?”
I unfortunately didn’t advance to the finals, which doesn’t surprise me; having 72 hours to write this was tight. All I had time for on the first day was trying to think of a time period to set this in, day two was filled with research and writing the outline of the story, and all of the actual writing had to be done on day three.
Still, I’m not unhappy with how it turned out. I had more plans for Alice, initially (and for Anne & Mary), but time and word limit constrictions made me scrap those. I might rewrite this someday to do my initial idea justice.
Click here to read the feedback I received from the judges.
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY –
- {1815} I loved Alice! What a great heroine. So easy and fun to root for a young girl learning to break the rules. I love the vivid descriptions of pirate life, the danger and excitement this writer conjures, and the way rule breaking sets Alice free.
- {2501} This story has a very strong protagonist in Alice. You do a nice job describing what her life is usually like, compared to what she wishes it would be. This sets up effectively for the moment when she runs away and when she is offered a job on Sam’s crew because we know exactly what her desires and motivations are. I thought the story also had some great detail to depict the action throughout with what every character is doing and how they express their feelings. In particular, some of my favorite lines include “With hope grown dim and smile worn thin, she did as she was told,/and cursed herself for never being bold” and “A surge of joy spread through her veins, a spark of something wild,/as Alice found her worth, and truly smiled.”
- {1788} The author captured both the allure and danger of the Golden Age of Piracy excellently. From the striking wardrobe of Anne and Mary to the secret misdeeds that gave her more bravery (“A surge of joy spread through her veins, a spark of something wild”), Alice’s attraction to the unfamiliar was enjoyable to witness, shedding off her old life and embracing her liberation. The author presented her with realistic and historically accurate obstacles, whether societal (the potential marriage) or physical (how to navigate situations as a woman). They were great tests that illustrated why she’d be able to survive the life of a pirate while showing the emotional struggles during her transition (“ignored her parents’ cries and ran away, heart in her throat”).
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK –
- {1815} Something in the rhyme scheme – the way the last line of each stanza is shorter than the others – made this story feel a little spasmodic, or stop and start. I felt like the momentum died at the end of each stanza and had to be built up again. I’d also encourage the writer to make sure that the lines make grammatical sense as well as rhyming – there is some leeway in rhyming stories to rearrange sentences so they work better in the rhythm, but lines like “her lowered gaze these days of any kind of joy devoid” felt a little hard to follow. I love the characters and the plot of this story, but I think the structure could be sharpened so it does them justice!
- {2501} The story could be even stronger if Mary Read and Anne had a larger presence throughout. This doesn’t mean that Alice has to interact with them specifically, but since they’ve inspired Alice so much, I think it could be helpful to have her think about them more, perhaps even in a way that allows us learn more about their characters. Does Alice learn anything about their piracy or what their ultimate fate is? They seem well-known, so maybe a townsperson could describe some of their adventures to Alice. Then, at the end when Sam offers her the job, consider having Alice think back to Mary Read and Anne as a motivating factor for accepting the job. To make room for these details within the word count, consider slightly shortening Alice mulling over her own mundane life before she runs away.
- {1788} While the era was crystal-clear, the setting would benefit from more refinement. When she leaves the comforts of home, the descriptions of her surroundings were rather general and more facts would immerse the reader in Alice’s world. For instance, where is she standing when she views Mary Read and Anne? Are they on a platform or being dragged to jail? Is she trying to look past tall people’s bodies as they’re taken off their ship? Likewise, when she’s in the inn, think about enriching the imagery there as well. Are there unique attributes about the place? In Spanish Town, does she hear a certain kind of music as the man saunters up to her? Maybe Sam’s drinking something that can only be found in the region. Small touches and vibrant images will enliven the scenes, and then the reader will not only feel Alice’s excitement, but experience the world she inhabits too. “In Search of Treasure” is a lovely tale of self-discovery and has two great historical figures. Once the author enriches the settings more, it will be even stronger.
So Many What-Ifs 