The road she walked felt smooth and... wrong.
No thrilling adventures nearing.
She sought and yearned for twists and turns,
yet wandered a hundred clearings.
On bright and sunny days she searched
for dark and dangerous business.
But all was fine, no signs of crime,
nor villainy did she witness.
She met no princes, found no foes,
no dragons delayed her travels.
She longed for quests and fiends to best;
missed mysteries to unravel.
She’d venture off the beaten path,
convinced that trials awaited.
But each new trek just brought her back
to the safe lanes which she hated.
Before she'd ever found a quest
— a chance to prove she could do this —
the road she’d roamed had lead her home,
where crowds would shout she’d been foolish.
She steeled her nerves, her head held high;
she couldn’t appear defeated.
To her surprise, she first heard cries,
then cheers with which she was greeted.
A hero's welcome, feast and all:
a palatial celebration.
They praised her grit, and brilliant wit,
as her nerves spurred fraught sensations.
They’d got it wrong, this wasn’t her!
Her journey had not been daring.
“You have prevailed! Please tell your tales!”
But she found no words worth sharing.
“I saw you save a wounded sprite!”
Said a man who’d come to greet her.
She knew he meant an incident,
with a small, frail, fallen creature.
Was that of note? She could not tell,
and before she’d found her bearings,
a girl chimed in with other things
she had not thought worth declaring.
Her eyes grew wide, as through the night,
from their lips she heard her stories.
And so she learned, that she’d returned
a hero, now known for glories.
-
No Adventures
-
Papaya
Below you’ll find my (unedited) entry for Round 1 of the NYC Midnight Rhyming Story Challenge 2024.
My assignment was:
Genre: Romance
Theme: Put out to pasture
Emotion: Happy“We always knew the time would come
to say goodbye to dear old Tom!
For forty years this was your life,
alas, you couldn’t find a wife!
Tonight we’re gonna send you home
to live your final days alone!”Teeth clenched, eyes dark, Tom forced a smile,
nodded along to the laughs and the song.
He knew they’d rehearsed this skit for a while,
though it was well-known this was not quite his style.“Let’s raise our glasses in the air,
to toast the guy with graying hair!
He’s not much fun, and plain to boot,
and never looked good in a suit!
But still, we’ll miss him all the same,
to Tom, our man of lame acclaim!”Cheers all around, they thumped Tom’s back.
“Kidding!” they winked, as they poured him a drink.
He knew that was true, but still, this old gag,
hit so close to home, it felt like an attack.Folks laughed, and danced, and wished him well.
Stories were told, as they joked he looked old.
He hoped they would not be able to tell,
that he felt a sadness too vast to dispel.Lights out, doors closed, he felt a weight
settle inside, his world narrowed, lost light.
He sighed, wiped his eyes, dejection could wait.
His cat would be restless, annoyed, or irate.Once home, he called “Papaya, food!”
Waited for her to meow, hiss, or purr.
He frowned, had she really skulked off to brood?
Her unlikely absence sure worsened his mood.Nerves frayed, he headed out the door.
Panic grew near, an irrational fear.
He fought his dark thoughts, and tried to ignore
The tendrils of tension coiled tight at his core.Eyes wet, he paced the quiet street.
Scanning the road, with his heart in his throat.
He whistled, intoned her name on repeat.
Just when he’d lost hope, he heard steps on concrete.A woman called out, “Tom, is that you?”
Followed, Tom thought, by a meow soft and fraught.
He turned to the sound, relieved to see Sue,
his favorite neighbor; his cat liked her too.She purred in Sue’s arms. “How did you break free?”
Laughing, Sue said, “She’s as smart as they get!”
He smiled at them both, “On that we agree.”
She looked in his eyes, “Can I get you some tea?”He stammered, “I… wouldn’t want to impose…”
“Please, do come in!” she implored with a grin.
He blushed, acquiesced, looked down at his toes,
the spark in her eyes had melted his woes.He followed her in, house cozy and warm,
and felt at ease, a profound sense of peace.
His cat had jumped down, and Sue touched his arm.
She winked, and he felt entranced by her charm.She made them some tea, and offered him cake,
which tasted great, and she talked while he ate.
“You look like you might be needing a break,
you’re working nonstop! That’s too much to take.”Sue smiled, “When we talk, it’s such a delight.”
Tom swallowed his bite, eyes suddenly bright,
said, “Well, I’m retired, starting tonight.”
“How lovely!” She hugged him, touch feather-light.She poured him more tea, “You have any plans?”
“To travel, or… dance?” She shot him a glance.
He let out a sigh, too drained to pretend,
“I dread an excess of time on my hands.”“I shouldn’t complain. It’s just… I don’t know…
I’d hoped that by now, I’d know where to go.”
“You’ll figure it out, someway or somehow.”
“You think so?” he asked, and furrowed his brow.“The store where I work has got a cafe…”
she smiled, “Just drop by, or stay there all day…”
“Would there be a way…” Tom coughed, his mouth dry,
“For us, I just mean, to date, you and I?”He groaned, closed his eyes, “I’m sorry, I’ll leave.”
He got up to go, but Sue grabbed his sleeve.
“The answer is yes; you’re kind and sincere.
Tomorrow, perhaps? Just pick me up here.”“Okay,” Tom agreed, elated but dazed.
Sue beamed as she placed her hand on his waist.
A sleepy Papaya yawned at their feet.
Tom smiled, “For this night, I owe her a treat.”I received an honorable mention but didn’t advance to Round 2 (presumably because of the experimental rhyme scheme/meter I used. Which was intentional, but probably a little too ambitious, especially considering the tight deadline).
If you’re interested in reading the feedback I received, click here.
WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY –
- {2022} The scene between Tom and Sue focuses on body language and subtle physical cues, which really feels true to life. A lot of times when there is an attraction, but not a relationship yet, we communicate more with actions than with words.
- {2377} I thought this was a very sweet story, which made me smile at the end, because I found it so lovely. I thought you did a great job by juxta positioning Tom’s job he’s leaving with the start of his new life. Although his former co-workers don’t seem to mean harm, what they say clearly gets under his skin and is rather quite insensitive and thoughtless. This comes through in your story really well, and your reader can sense Tom’s despair and his feelings of dread and helplessness. Sue’s appearance with his beloved cat Papaya is a wonderful way to introduce the next stage of his life, and a hopefully happy and content retirement for Tom. Regarding the rhyme, I thought you challenged yourself with a rather difficult pattern, but stuck to it and mastered it incredibly well. Well done!
- {2375} I like how you set up a strong negative mood through the “kidding” ridicule at Tom’s goodbye party, that is then enhanced through the tension of Papaya disappearing. The reader shares Tom’s despair since the cat is all he has. With this sad setup, the positive ending with Sue is satisfying and hopeful.
WHAT THE JUDGES FEEL NEEDS WORK –
- {2022} There are two main threads here as far as Tom’s character arc: his job, and romance. Of course, these ideas are interconnected, but I feel as though you could dig deeper into that connection moving forward. In verse 1 “For forty years this was your life, alas, you couldn’t find a wife” felt a little on the nose, whereas Tom’s admission near the end (“I’d hoped that by now, I’d know where to go.”) rings more true.
- {2377} A very small note on an otherwise great rhyming pattern which you followed consistently: Once home, he called “Papaya, food!” Waited for her to meow, hiss, or purr. He frowned, had she really skulked off to brood? Her unlikely absence sure worsened his mood. The second line is pushing the rhyming a little, with meow and purr not quite matching as lovely as in all your other stanzas. I’m being super-picky, I am aware of that, but wanted to point it out so you may be able to amend it for the future. The rest is absolutely great!
- {2375} Some of the rhyming didn’t quite flow as well as it could. I suggest reading out loud to hear the rhythm and pacing of your stanzas, and identify any that sound awkward. In some ways, this sounds like two related stories rather than one narrative. I suggest including some hint to Sue earlier in the story so that when the reader ‘meets’ her there is already a feeling of familiarity and possibility about their relationship.
-
The same old job
Her phone buzzed as she left the scene
A name and address on her screen
She frowned; she'd had this job before
"So... what? His ghost came back for more?"
"Just do the job", the answer read
"And hope that this time he'll stay dead?"
"It's just his twin", her boss replied
"Who took his name after he'd died"
They'd used the twin line last time too
She'd shrugged it off; what could you do?
But rules be damned, she had to know
Who was this man that wouldn't go?
She shadowed him throughout the day
A normal guy in every way
No signs that he'd been murdered twice
But she'd been trained in catching lies
As she approached, he looked resigned
He sighed, "I should have just declined"
He closed his eyes, "Just make it quick,
But know it probably won't stick"
She said, "I'm glad you mentioned it
Your trick is good, I must admit
But while my job knows plenty twists
Repeat assignments can't exist"
"I just..." he shifted on his feet
"I should have known that he would cheat"
Confused, she asked him who he meant
"My old imaginary friend"
"Turns out that he was pretty real
A genie with a tempting deal
If only I would set him free
He'd grant me immortality"
"He didn't lie, I cannot die
Which does not mean he doesn't try...
For his amusement, every week
He has me killed, well, so to speak"
"My heart will stop, I cease to breathe
Just long enough to seem deceased
My heart restarts, my wounds will heal
But what remains, is pain quite real"
His tale ridiculous at best
And yet his act left her impressed
He seemed sincere, could it be true?
She needed proof, a sign, a clue
She scanned the room, to no avail
Her target shrugged, "He leaves no trail;
He always wins, so do your job
Believing me won't make him stop"
She shook her head, "Some friend indeed
Who'd pay to watch his buddy bleed...
I have this poison you could take
For painless deaths, to catch a break?"
His eyes lit up, he whispered, "Thanks"
Her last doubts vanished as he drank
When he went down, she heard a whine
"You spoiled my fun! Now he'll be fine!"
"I did the job you paid me for"
She left the fiend to sulk some more
She texted, "Boss, keep me in mind
When jobs on this guy get assigned"
Based on the following writing prompt:
The Assassin’s Code states that you must take any job, no questions asked. But you are pretty sure that you have assassinated this target a few times already.
-
The patron
He just walked in one day
A dazed look on his face
No trace of fear
Asked for a beer
Looking wildly out of place
He had no horns, no tail
No fur, no beak, no scales
I served his drink
He didn't blink
Did he think my claws were nails?
No eyes at my café
Had so far turned his way
But just one whiff
Should tell them if
He was predator or prey
The werewolf caught his scent
The gnome, with axe in hand
Crept to the bar
Ready for war
Knew he had the upper hand
Just then, the man said "thanks"
And paid, his eyes still blank
He wandered out
Ignored the crowd
As we wondered, fluke or prank?
Based on the following writing prompt:
You run a secret, hidden café frequented by mythical beings. One day, a human somehow finds their way to the café. They have not noticed they are the only human, nor have the other patrons noticed them. Yet.
So Many What-Ifs 